When I see the number of friends I have garnered on Sulekha, I am perturbed.  Each time I add a new friend to my list, the question that props up and invariably raises its head is ‘Kya mai dosti nibha paoongi ya nahin?  Will I be able to fulfill… is the lingering doubt.  After a couple of weeks however, this self-doubt automatically quells like an ebbing tide.  I tell myself that just as sleeping partners are an accepted norm, so too,it must be usual to have sleeping friends on Sulekha. And then when I realize that others  must be having too, it gives me a sense of complacency and I feel reassured.  Is it true in real life too, I ask myself.

From my childhood I have idolized friendship and have considered it sacred.  A true friend to me is one with whom I can relate, share my thoughts and feelings, open up completely and be myself.  From my side, I have been fiercely loyal, never giving away and never taking advantage of a situation.  During the early years of my life, my dependency on friends was deplorably high.  Even to go to a nearby Kirana shop, I required the accompaniment of a friend.  Perhaps, the reason for my insecurity sprang from the fact that I did not have a sister. I also trusted and believed my friends to a fault and have burnt my fingers many a time in the bargain. My earliest recollection of betrayal is, as a kid, when a friend accused me to the teacher of being jealous of her.  I was distraught and became inconsolable. Since then, I have had many upheavals with this fickleness called friendship.

Life is full of intricacies and there are no set rules to follow it.  Of course none of my experiences has shaken my abundant faith in humanity and to that extent I am an optimist to the core.  Let me relate to you about a lady colleague of mine and who called herself my friend.  One day she came up and told me that a certain departmental store had introduced a unique instalment scheme.  You paid Rs.50/- per month and at the end of 12 months you could pick your choice of things worth the amount.  What was unique about the scheme was that there was a lucky dip every month for each lot and if you won, you didn’t have to pay the remaining instalments.  She literally forced me to join the scheme telling me that her sister would take care of things since her office was close to the store.  Every month I gave her the money but she neither gave me any receipt nor the card. Whenever I asked for the card, she would tell me that the card was safe with her sister. This explanation, however, sufficed me.  I never imagined any foul play. When my mother expressed her misgivings, I was piqued at her for doubting my friend’s integrity. About 10 months passed in this manner.  Finally, my mother’s constant badgering made me go to the store and find out.  When I went there and inquired, I was in for a rude shock.  I was told that my name had already won the lucky dip in the second month itself and that the articles for the value had also been taken away. My mother, the worldly-wise woman that she is, dealt with the matter diplomatically.  She told me to refrain from plunging headlong, and accusing the lady of deceit. It would serve no purpose except create antagonism, she said.   She asked me to continue paying the instalments as if nothing was known, for the remaining two months also.  I did so and got the articles worth Rs.600/- at the end of the year after going to the store with her sister. My mother had taught me a valuable lesson here.  Not only were my friend’s true colours revealed to me, but also, by not exposing her deceit I had succeeded in getting the articles for which we had painstakingly paid for 12 months.  This lady of course had absolutely no qualms of conscience. It was only I who was crestfallen,having suffered the pangs of betrayal. Ironically, this was one of the only two times that Mother Luck decided to sprinkle her bounty on me. 

       Let me now move on to another friend Maphe who decided to give me ‘the royal cold shoulder’ days after my marriage was fixed.  We had been the thickest of friends, or so everybody said.  We were always traveling together, eating together, laughing, giggling… She came from the beautiful city of Ajmer and continually regaled me with bits and information of that land.  Suddenly when she started ignoring me I was baffled and hurt. I even went and apologized to her without any reason.  Only when I was told by another friend that this girl was in the process of disengaging herself from me because I would be leaving soon, then the cruel truth dawned on me.  Can friendship be so calculative? Strange are the ways of life indeed!!

 And then, there was Alka. Alka was crazy of Hindi movies.  She would watch a movie and recount it to me verbatim, scene-by-scene, dialogue-for-dialogue, exactly as in the movie.  She kept me amused, no doubt, but she also had me virtually ‘hijacked’ for many hours on end. Unable to exchange even a word with others, I would look around ruefully with the helplessness of a caged animal, my restless mind craving for the variety and gossip around.

There are some friendships that arise more due to propinquity, than for common interests for eg. the familiarity that one is compelled to develop with one’s neighbour or with a colleague at the next desk in office.  These relationships are thrust on you and require a certain code to be followed.

But, all that I have been talking above is the flippant and facetious friendship that exists side by side with the real one.  True friendship, of course, is one that transcends time and space and that has been glorified time and again by poets and philosophers. I quote one such immortal quote on friendship:

Truly are you blest in life if you have a friend

One on whom you can rely unto the very end.

Friendship is a precious gift that nothing can destroy

Passing years strengthen links and bring some added joy.

A friend you will find with be with you in trial and in 
       prayer;

And deep down within your heart you will know he is ever
       there.

And when the span of life is spent,

The blessing you will have known

That in this world you had a friend

And did not walk alone.